Calming me is my most difficult.
This is probably one of the most difficult things as a parent to handle my kids — me. We all know that preserving family harmony makes it easier, but it is so difficult when it really matters.
Your ability to work on your own mental and physical condition will become the foundation to make it easier to handle.
I have tried countless ways to get both my boys to listen to me.
If I ever thought it would be easier to get my sons to listen to me by screaming louder than they were able to, It was time to rethink.
After all, my yelling left me without the outcome I wanted and I felt exhausted in both my voice and head.
I discovered that the worst times for me was when I let myself step into the conflict with as much energy and motivation as my sons. To get my own will to become the law. It becomes like a war between the titans and the entire family suffers from the bad energy.
Honestly, how much respect do you show people that yell at you? You may finally lower your head. You may feel bad for what went wrong and end up with a lump in your stomach and throat while you just wait for the yelling to be over. Thinking about it, it is so far from being respected as one can get.
Then I stepped out of my parent box to handle my kids.
Stepping out of my traditional parent box I finally saw it as the controlling parenting and it was all about power.
I remember one of many moments where I was the screaming controlling parent. Once I was able to calm down I was able see into the eyes of my son. And I saw the damage I did in my relationship to him.
After that moment I have worked hard to resist being drawn into home conflicts.
I work hard to gain the ability to mentally take a step back when one of my children gets angry and see the real reason for the outburst..
I become the father instead of being the man. By taking a step back I give myself the ability to think. By choosing to think before I encounter a conflict, I give myself the ability to speak.
With a cool head and speaking ability, I can ask the right questions. By asking the proper questions, It’s easier to find out what my sons are thinking and what has made them angry.
I am still human and sometimes I act as a man who steps in and gets it all wrong.
I make mistakes.
When I make mistakes as a parent, and I most certainly do, it is the foundation of our relationship that allows us to accept each other’s mistakes. I learn to me and I learn to handle my kids. And then we forgive each other. To forgive each other and end the conflict in a normal voice is important to me.
What do I want to say with this? Give yourself the chance to take a mental step back when the kids get their own various outbreaks. See it as a sign that they feel safe and loved to dare to show their frustrations—before you find out what the cause was.
One of the few things that have been positive with a major discharge, as a mutual rage can be, is that we totally drain each other. Then we get a chance to speak out calmly afterwards. It becomes genuinely calm after the storm, though it is not always how I want to handle my kids.
I have learned that sometimes it takes a fight between the titans to find the peace on the other side.
As always, I’m curious about you. What do you do to avoid the fight of the titans in your family? Please comment!