I was on top of my world.
I had just been awarded “First Place Successful Entrepreneur of the Year” by the International Small Business Council. I had a brand new sports car, a happy marriage, a lovely remodeled home, a successful business, and friends with social initiatives we believed were making a difference for humanity. I was internally empty—“Then God give me wisdom.”
Little did I know that asking for wisdom would take me on an adventure I could not make up in my wildest dreams. I enjoyed speaking to colleges and university students to inspire them to build businesses and reach their dreams. I enjoyed my gardens and quiet moments after finishing magnificent projects, signing my signature of approval at the final press check for my clients and watching tens of thousands of pages roar through large presses. I enjoyed handing my clients their product and accepting an armload of new business to feed the families of people employed by my small business.
Thirty years ago, my company had a team of individuals that played the graphic arts field with finesse. We consistently rose to challenges with a burning desire to produce excellence. We tried our best to run on loyalty and respect and provide competitive compensation, free city parking or bus passes, health, dental, and vision coverage without deductible and life insurance. We were an eclectic and diverse people mix of countries, faith, race and partnering so we provided open structure holidays which meant we were seldom closed.
I had grown up a child of alcoholics and little could stop me from having control over succeeding—except a baby. My parents began their recovery journey after I left home and their lives had been restored—they wanted a grand baby—the one thing I could not provide.
Meanwhile, alcohol’s insidious spirit captured my younger brother who was in treatment while I visited him, he asked me, “Jodee, doesn’t it make you angry at God that you can’t have a child? After all, there were times it felt like you raised us.”
When I first left home at fifteen, then seventeen and finally eighteen, I made myself two promises, “I will control my life and I will not let alcohol control it.” I knew I was doing a good job at the controlling but my brother’s question haunted me as I drove the long road home.
No, I determined, I wasn’t mad. I was faithful. I was happy with all I had. Yes, I was happy—but empty.
“Lord, send me to speak where and when you desire.
My fertility and this child issue is yours.”
Case closed. Or so I thought.
I Love My Pearlz is my journey on to wisdom.
Today I have a few business opportunities, a home needing fixing,
a marriage with loads of heartache and experience and a brand new for me 2013 Kia Soul in Alien Pearl.