by Michael Ballard
The I Can part of the language of resilience is about owning the issue and working towards completion or accomplishment. This language is spoken in present and or future tense about something to be done. We take the can’t out!
I Can language includes:
- I Can Use my problem solving and creativity skills to get a safe and productive solution to the issues that bother or concern me to help myself.
- I Can Talk to others about things that scare or bother me
- I Can Find Ways to solve problems I face alone and with others
- I Can Control Myself when I’m feeling like doing something not right or dangerous
- I Can Figure Out when it is a good time to talk to someone a
- I Can Plan how to take action to create respectful and positive outcomes
To continue on with the BMX Bike example from the previous columns:
Imagine your child comes home and they suddenly says: “I hate that stupid bike/sport”.
It is not the time to say “I told you so.” Now is the time to engage in non judgmental tones and ask a probing question like:
“So, what’s changed?” or “So, are you feeling safe?” or “Want to talk about it?”
In this way, we are engaging with them, using a caring tone, and gently working to pull them into a conversation. Then once we have them define the issue/problem work with the child to consider options to improve or resolve the current situation. The goal is NO judgement and learn what the issue is.
- Is it a people issue?
- Is it an issue with the bike?
- Is it an issue with a skill to perform and enjoy the bike?
Help them develop their problem solving skills and creativity skills to start to craft a solution they will feel empowered over, keep them safe and you can sleep well with.
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