I Have – The Language of Resilience – Part I

Humans are healthier and happier when we are connected in respectful and loving ways by people who help us be nurtured and feel connected. These people help us grow through life’s best and more challenging times. These relationships may include one or two nurturing parents, a loving extended family, friends, neighbors, coaches and teachers.  For some individuals this may also include medical professionals and mental health professionals. Children need to learn and understand that a relationship list can be in flux.

Assisting our children to recognize, build, nurture and prune the many relationships they are developing in their life is one that will pay lifelong dividends as they continue their lives as adults.

I Have – The Language of Resilience I have I Am I Can I Do
I Have – The Language of Resilience

I Have part of the language –

  • I Have someone who wants me to explore life
  • I Have a parent who wants me to expand my skills and experiences
  • I Have a parent who’s role is to balance explore and expanding with keeping me safe.

It’s all about managing our relationships with gratitude.

The researchers summed it up this way. The more resilient the child, the more the child understood and felt confident in reaching out and using a support system. They had  been nurtured with there support system and trained by their support system how to safely use relationships as support.

I Have – Friendships and Relationships


  • People who help me set limits so I know when to stop before there is danger or trouble.
  • People around me I trust and who love me unconditionally no matter what!
  • People who show me how to do things right by the way they do things.
  • People who want me to learn to do things on my own.
  • People who help me when I am sick, in danger or need to learn.

Example: Your 11 year old child wants a BMX pedal bike, yet as a parent you have safety concerns as they are not very athletic. Each parent will have their own beliefs.

One response to consider could be:

Yes, I agree a BMX bike would be a blast. Wow catching air must feel amazing. I’d like to explore this with you more. Can you build a list of what you need to know, do and have (skills and safety gear and safe places to ride) to be a good BMX rider? That would be first rate. Then we can discuss options and opportunities.

This parent did not say 100% no or 100% yes immediately, but pushed for more knowledge and thought. Engaging the child in meaningful conversation. Plus asking them to research what it takes to be a BMX bike rider.

This gives the parent time to thing about the next conversation to help our children develop and deepen their capacity to thrive is in part helping them understand process, skills and levels of capacity we all have in different areas of our lives.

  • Time invested to be a BMX rider
  • Is this potential casual, hobby or competitive opportunity.
  • Process of mastery to be
    • Ride for fun – Know the basics
    • Good – All the basics and some intermediate skill
    • Exceptional – Knows the above and has some advanced BMX rider skills



So until next time Imagine Yourself with more Resiliency for Life

Michael Ballard

Interested in taking a full class on Resiliency visit