Learning to Thrive by Overcoming Adversity is Resiliency!
by Michael Ballard
Resiliency is our ability to bounce back even in adversity. It is a set of key resources that help us have more successful experiences and outcomes even when life is hard and feels unfair. The good news is that researchers are proving that it is something we can learn. Helping ourselves and our children learn and use resiliency can help your child become a healthier, happier and more successful adult.
The two key parts to Resilience.
- Inner resilience
- Outer resilience.
Let me explain a bit more:
How we chose to view issues and outcomes.
Some people say this is how we frame issues and experiences. That simply means how we monitor what we are experiencing. For example one person may see a loss and be crushed (this is called a brittle frame) and another person may experience the same loss and look for the lesson (this is called a flexible frame).
The resilient person with the flexible frame does not deny the loss, but works to re-frame it in a different light. And by doing so they lower the risk of getting stuck.
Key assets or resources outside of ourselves that can assist us move forward with more success.
Example: You have failed a very important test!
- A person with a brittle frame of reference might say:
- Stupid teacher!
- I hate this subject!
- I think this program sucks!
- I’m never going to pass this subject!
- A person with a flexible frame of reference might say:
- Ouch, that is painful, what are my next steps? (Asks a question to improve)
- Wow, I must not have studied well for this test (Owns the results)
- Who do I know that can help me? (Outer Resilience-builds a support team)
- I wonder if the teacher will allow a make up test? (Create some positive options)
- I need to learn more ways to study so I can pass my tests with more effective results (Setting a strategy to change results next time)
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